I was sitting on my couch, drinking a cup of coffee and beating myself up for not getting up at 4:00 a.m. to run seven miles. It was Monday; the second Monday in a row that I had missed my run. Actually, it wasn’t just the second Monday. It had been an entire week of struggling to get myself out of bed early enough to get the longer miles done.
And that was bothering me.
I’ve never really struggled with early wake-ups. Give me a reason to get up at 4:00 or 4:30 in the morning and, historically, I’m pretty good at doing it.
But right now? I just can’t seem to get moving before 5am. And my life right now is…full.
Brandon is traveling for work and planning for our relocation, which means I’m managing more of the house on my own. Our oldest is in IOP (intensive out patient) treatment five nights a week for 3 hours each day. Connor has his own needs and schedule. I’m working full-time. And I am coaching SWET. Somewhere in the middle of all of that, I was trying to train for a marathon.
The Tucson Gamin Marathon has been the SWET goal race since they announced their return to Tucson. I started training with our marathon group in early July. I was committed to it. I wanted to do it. And as a coach, I felt like I should be able to figure out how to make it work.
So when I started missing runs, I didn’t immediately think, “Maybe this goal doesn’t fit my life right now.” But I did think “What is wrong with me?”. I was frustrated with myself. I was disappointed in myself. Honestly, I felt like I was letting people down.
As a coach, I felt like I was supposed to be able to show people how to balance it all. I was mad at myself for struggling with sleep. I was beating myself up because I couldn’t seem to do something that I had done many times before.
But as I started getting ready for work that morning, something finally clicked. I realized that I actually could get my runs done. I could run in the evenings while Aidan was in IOP. I could make the shorter runs work.
What I couldn’t realistically make work right now were the longer runs required for marathon training.
And then I asked myself a question: What about training for a PR in the half?
Immediately, I felt lighter. I started talking through what that training would actually look like.
The weekly mileage would be lower. The long runs would be more manageable. I could still give myself a big goal. My last half marathon was a 2:43. What if I trained for a 2:40?
Suddenly, it didn’t feel like I was giving something up. It felt manageable.
And that’s when I realized I wasn’t actually quitting. I was changing the goal. There was still a challenge. In fact, the Garmin Half is not exactly an easy course. It’s hilly, and my current half marathon PR came on the much flatter Mesa course.
A 2:40 isn’t going to happen just because I changed the distance. I’m still going to have to work for it. But it’s a challenge that fits the life I am actually living right now.
And that distinction matters.
I think sometimes we get so attached to the goal that we forget to look at whether the path to that goal still makes sense. As a coach, I have these conversations with runners all the time.
When someone tells me they don’t think they can do their training anymore, I don’t immediately tell them to keep going. I ask questions.
Why?
Do you still want the goal but you’re struggling to find the time?
Are you dealing with an injury?
Are you exhausted?
Are you not having fun anymore?
Is life throwing something at you that makes the original plan unrealistic?
Then we problem solve.
And yet, when it was me, I wasn’t giving myself that same grace.
I was looking at the situation as a failure instead of simply recognizing that something wasn’t working.
That was a big lesson for me. I can be a leader and recognize when something isn’t working. In fact, maybe that’s part of being a leader and a bigger part of being a coach.
Last night, I told the marathon group about my decision.I worried that changing from the full to the half would look like I couldn’t handle the challenge, but the response was overwhelmingly supportive. One runner was sad because this is her first marathon. And I completely understand that.
But she’s also quite a bit faster than I am. And you know what? This change means I can be at the finish line to watch her finish her first marathon.
That doesn’t feel like failure. That feels pretty damn good. And I’m ready to say it out loud now.
I’m training for the half. I’m training for a 2:40. And I’m okay with it.
Actually, I’m excited about it, because the marathon will always be there. There will be another training cycle; another race; another opportunity to chase 26.2.
But right now, this is where I am, and I want to love the journey I’m on instead of constantly wishing I were on a different one.
That’s something we talk about at SWET all the time: progress over pace.
Celebrate where you are.
Find a realistic way to challenge yourself where you are.
And remember that the race is only one part of the journey, one day out of many days of training.
So if you’re struggling with a goal you’ve set for yourself, here’s what I would ask you:
Are you looking for excuses, or is it truly just not the right time?
Be honest with yourself.
Maybe you need to push through.
Maybe you need to change the plan.
Maybe you need to take a step back.
And maybe, like me, you need to realize that changing the goal doesn’t mean you’ve given up.
Sometimes it means you’ve given yourself permission to train for the life you’re actually living.
And for me, right now, that looks like 13.1.
And 2:40.